Contrary to the rumors, it didn't happen. Not exactly. Fact was, I was simply walking out to get my paper, and I happen to have my bath towel wrapped around me. The foreign woman that lives next door to me started howling; “Naked old gringo!!! Naked old gringo!!! Old fool....you run all naked and scare children and pets!” Lies....all lies!! The towel I had wrapped around me was somewhat thin and clinging, but I was far from being in the raw. That old gossiping mamacita pokes her nose through the blinds every time she hears my front door shut.
Seems we’ve been at odds ever since I tossed a handful of crumpled up Alka Seltzers over her back fence one night, and all her noisy damn foreign chickens died the next day bloated to death. Anyhow, as I was walking back to my front door, a brisk breeze whooped by and lifted up the front of my towel. For a chilly shrinking moment, I was totally exposed to my snooping neighbor’s observation. Upon witnessing my love dangler, I heard her swoon and then the noise of her falling off the chair she always used to get a better view. She had seen more than she could mentally comprehend. Shaking my head, I sighed. I knew it wouldn't be long before rumors were flying.