Jake was on his knees weeding his ‘recession garden’ when he received a minor shock to his brainstem. His cereb phone was still set for 'cortex zap' as he had forgotten to put it on genital buzz. He sat back on his heels and pulled his right glove off. Inserting his index finger up his right nose hole, he activated the cereb phone and took the call.
“This is GOPHER_BOY_22”, he announced.
“Jake? This is Willy,” came a clear voice through his cranium.
“You know, SMUCK_A_DUCK. I need your help, right away.”
“Never heard of your ID, goodbye.”
“NO WAIT! You and I once worked together on the Chelsea Clinton campaign!”
“Oh God….you’re right. You’re the guy who tattooed his entire body black…..right?”
“Yep, that’s me. I was deleting some old cortex files when your avatar and number scanned by. I immediately blinked it back and thought I’d give you a buzz and see what’s what since the election.”
Jake remembered Willy only in the vaguest sense, much like remembering an old foot rash from years ago. As he continued to weed around the turnips and marihuana, he continued the conversation. “So, what have you been up to sense the election?”
“Well, I worked as a platonic intern for President Clinton until the scandal over her secret negotiations to sale California and Texas to Mexico blew her administration apart. After that, I moved on and found work with the PR staff at one of Microsoft’s medical clinics. Did a lot of copy work and writing commercials for the new Microsoft Nirvana brainstem implants. But what about you? I remember you had two teens, how are they doing?”
“Juno’s 16 and just got out of ‘Minecraft’ rehab a few weeks ago and he’s slowly gaining his recognition of family again. My daughter Goga recently turned 14 and she’s been wearing a full, tie-dyed burqa for the last year. She wants to be one of the 72 virgins before she reaches 16, after that she wants to be hooker with a reality show.”
“I’m telling you, Jake, these kids are something else. My 15 year old son just learned to sign his name and recently learned the 12 letters of the alphabet. Most likely will graduate this year when he qualifies for the Federal Indigent Program. I’m very proud of him, as is his real dad. Well, my signal is wimping out on me and I don’t have a spare battery suppository, so, I’ll just say adios and maybe we’ll meet up at a soup kitchen some evening.”
“Yep, that would be nice, Willy. You take care my friend.” Jake then took a deep snort, which disconnected the cereb call. As he continued to work his garden, he thought about all the wonderful changes he had seen in his life and the contentment they had brought him. Then his genitals started to buzz.....