Hospitals Are Amazing....

 

 

 

      Hospitals are amazing. They are a lot like honey bee hives with the worker bees dressed out in scrubs, flitting from one room to another with organized precision in their imprinted routine of collecting blood pollen and administering stings where necessary. The drones are busy wheeling carts of humdrum nourishment throughout the hive and sometimes cleaning the abodes of the infirm. The queen, however, is kept nurtured in the middle of the hive seated at her protected desk surrounded by bouquets of flowers once intended for the brain dead patient in room 216. There she sits dispensing advice and direction to the swirling swarm of the hive.
     Then, at the anointed hour, you can hear the shuffle of Armani shoes as the doctors make their rounds. This is a sacred time, in that miracles can often happen from just the simple touch of their stethoscopes, followed by the emotional reprieve of “Okay, you can go home.” Laying in my incommodious bed, I was able to watch the various doctors walk by my door. It was like taking a water bed ride through “It’s a small world”, at Disney. Every nationality was represented by these endorsed healers. The Middle East, India, Asia, Alabama, South American and even one from the Galapagos Islands. I couldn’t help but wonder which fence they jumped over to come here.
     Hospital food is a unique cuisine in that it mostly tastes like unsalted potato pudding. Just a notch above astronaut food and two notches below Mexican prison food. I learned that hospital food came from three primary food groups; ‘yellow….brown….and Jell-O’. During feeding time, the drones always delivered your tray with a menacing smile, and right before you lifted up the domed lid that hid the food, you prayed with all your heart that this time there would be a ‘Denny’s Breakfast Skillet’ under it, with extra bacon. But, of course, once you took a peek, you realized it was gulag food.

 

PS.....it's nice to be back.....Charlie

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Comments (58)

  1. SEC

    Nice to have you back!

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      And very glad to be back!!

      September 24, 2014
  2. monicaspeaks

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Hi ya dear friend.

      September 24, 2014
  3. WalkinOnSunshine

    Wonderful to see you. I’ve had a few hospital stays and for me, I loved ’em. I had good food and wonderful care. Knock on wood it stays like that if/when I ever go back again.

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Really good to be home again.

      September 24, 2014
  4. Dream_On

    Praises!!! It’s a blessing to have you back!!! I’ve had too many stays in the hospital in my life and thankfully have managed to not be an inpatient for 11 years now. Hope it stays that way.

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      It makes me sick to go to a hospital.

      September 24, 2014
      1. Dream_On

        HA! Makes me sicker… So glad to see you, prayers work!

        September 24, 2014
  5. cjb321

    It is soooo good to have you back. YOU HAVE BEEN MISSED

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Thank you my special friend.

      September 24, 2014
  6. Bettymom

    Yeah, U.C., it has been waaaaay too quiet around here!

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Welp…time we got things going again….; }

      September 24, 2014
  7. dreamshadow59

    MY favorite thing about being in the hospital was when they would tell me…“Just lie back and rest”, like THAT was gonna happen. someone comies in every 5 minutes to either take your blood, get a blood pressure, give you a pill that cost 2000.00 dollars (that you could buy at the grocery store for 5 bucks), generally interrupt your sleep to just ask, “How ya doin”, or feed you…..YIKES….I had to come HOME to actually sleep….The bags under my eyes were so big, you could have CARRIED them…Anyway…I am very glad you’re back, you were greatly missed Charlie….PLEASE have wifey take CARE of you now….

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      I just can’t believe how little sleep I got. You are so right about someone wanting to jab, test or give ya a pill all night long.

      September 24, 2014
  8. pastormike

    well hell.. beats the alternative. glad to see you’re still on top of the grass.. get well muy pronto.

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Yelp….rather be walking among the wackos than lying with the worms.

      September 24, 2014
      1. pastormike

        true that.. I’m rattlin’ but I’m rollin’…

        September 24, 2014
  9. timholzbaur

    I loved the vampires who crept in twice a night to draw blood. So glad to see you back in classic form Charlie.

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      I think I kept an entire cave of bats alive.

      September 24, 2014
      1. timholzbaur

        Lmao. I can believe it.

        September 24, 2014
  10. LVLYLUCIA

    glad you survived the hospital stay! hugs!

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Thank you sweet Lucy.

      September 24, 2014
      1. LVLYLUCIA

        you’re welcomed!

        September 24, 2014
  11. killingtime

    My favorite thing about the hospital that I was in was the time that they picked to draw blood. Nothing that I like better than having someone wake me up between 3 & 4am so that they can stick me with a needle. I realize that they do that so that doctors will have the results when they see you. But that doesn’t count for much when you can’t go back to sleep. Thank God I found the coffee machine the first morning.

    September 23, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Coffee and Jell-o kept me alive.

      September 24, 2014
      1. killingtime

        Jello comes in all flavors. I wonder why they don’t make a coffee flavored Jello just for hospitals?

        September 24, 2014
  12. greunie

    Wonderful to read your typing!

    September 24, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Thank you my blessed friend.

      September 24, 2014
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  14. Leighvitalone

    The hive. Perfect analogy in my experience.

    September 24, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Wer’t no honey, though.

      September 24, 2014
  15. Leighvitalone

    Rarely is in such conditions. I guess the honey is only in what we enjoy because life (as you know) is uncertain, at best.

    September 24, 2014
  16. tjtooter

    glad you’re back Charlie and even more glad they didn’t make whatever was ailing you worse. stay healthy, brother.

    September 24, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      I was glad to get home so I could get better.

      September 24, 2014
      1. tjtooter

        I heard that, man. my grandma used to rail about how she felt fine until she went to the doctor and was told that she was sick.

        September 24, 2014
  17. Kaybee

    It’s lovely to see you back Charlie….. I hope you kept those honey bees on their toes!

    September 24, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      They were all sweet….; }

      September 24, 2014
  18. tiggers

    Big hugs Uncle Charlie missed you lots and hope all is well for you

    September 24, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Thank you my sweet friend. I did miss this joint and all my friends.

      September 24, 2014
      1. tiggers

        You are so welcome ,, I just hope you will be well from this point on

        September 24, 2014
  19. elmo194855

    You poor baby! I had no idea. Hospitals are no place to get well. So glad you survived your stay.

    September 24, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      I don’t plan to get sick no more……..sort of.

      September 24, 2014
      1. elmo194855

        Good for you! Good luck with that.

        September 24, 2014
  20. GoldenPig2012

    Good to hear from you, once again. I agree about the hospital experience. Mostly, I’ve been in to have babies, completely different experience, but, a couple of times I was waiting and hoping and choking down the “nourishment” of hospital food. The Jell-O is THE best food group in there when you’re not a new mother (you get WAY better food if you are). Grateful your back, take care of yourself, don’t overdo, get your rest, drink plenty of fluids and………..do I sound like your mother, yet?

    September 24, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Yeah Mom……; }

      September 24, 2014
      1. GoldenPig2012

        Sorry, force of habit. Hope you’re here a long, long time.

        September 24, 2014
        1. uncle_charlie

          Thanks love……

          September 24, 2014
  21. withwings

    glad you’re here, and there,

    September 24, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      You’re a blessing. Thanks a lot.

      September 24, 2014
      1. withwings

        I wrote a post called Uncle Charlie lol while you were gone. Most of my posts are on draft for a bit but I just opened it up in case you were interested. I’m not looking for you to comment but it occurs to me that people should know how others affect them and move them so here’s the link. http://withwings.thoughts.com/posts/uncle-charlie
        And you’re the blessing

        September 24, 2014
        1. uncle_charlie

          I just read it. Not only are you a blessing to this old fart, but a cherished friend. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts….Charlie

          September 25, 2014
          1. withwings

            September 25, 2014
  22. Toni55

    Okay now I bet you like the sponge baths !!!

    September 25, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Ooooooh I could really write a blog about those.

      September 25, 2014
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  24. baltimorepplsblog

    I think that story kicks butt bro

    September 26, 2014
    1. uncle_charlie

      Well thank ya……

      September 26, 2014
  25. uncle_charlie

    My sincere pleasure.

    September 24, 2014