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As many of you know, after a long and scintillating career with NASA, as a well trained astronaut, my relentless warnings to a hard headed and soporific agency concerning the possibility of extraterrestrial brain-chip implants in various slobbering members of Congress, summarily resulted in my dismissal from the program and because of my solo endeavors, I was discarded like an old Christmas salami, but at least with the gratification that the proverbial, ‘mind control’, cat was out of the bag and I could now only imagine the scenario of covert investigations into the mysterious tweets and interplanetary emailings of our country‘s current leadership. I was quickly transferred to Washington, thanks to my old SEAL team partner, Congressman Schneider an old tax sandbagger from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, who was able to procure me a position as a studious staffer, writing extremely long sentences for IRS instructions, and short ones for immigration forms. It was here that I often met with my fellow staffers, after work, for a filet burger and a scotch and soda, paid for by some scandalous lobbyist with a spaghetti mentality and a Lobster Thermidor expense account, that he used to splatter his influence around the capital in order to grease up the controlling sphincters of those who allocated subsidies and corporate grants. Those with the brain chips were not a problem.